I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
