I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
