Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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