i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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