How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm too high and old for this...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
