I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
