Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
