So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
