So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
