I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Mom said you looked used
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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