It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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