I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
