This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
