a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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