You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
