Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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