Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
