i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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