So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
