I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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