saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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