3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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