I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
