go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
why is half of my head shaved?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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