Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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