this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
splinters make it hard to masturbate
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
