im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize