I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
