Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
