She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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