Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
