So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
