Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
