Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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