that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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