Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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