the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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