The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
