Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
