dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
