Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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