if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
