She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
