My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Boobs are out for the taking
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
