Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
