found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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