No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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