Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
