Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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