i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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