u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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