the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
