New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
why do cheetos always look like penises
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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